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Wednesday, September 13, 2006

 
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, despite the fact that I've been absent lately.
My schedule is a little overwhelming at the moment and I miss reading all of you.
In the meantime I'll have to resort to post an old article.

See you all soon.


SIMCHA CHESSED(originally posted 19/07/05)

I don’t mean the age old Minhag of brining joy to the Chosson and Kalleh.I’m talking (actually writing) about people who sit at weddings or other Simchas and appear to be bored out of their minds.
It’s normal for people to automatically look up people they know, from the Beth Medrish, Yeshiva, or same neighborhood. Taking a chair next to friends, even though you were seated at another table, is pretty common.
Often however there is this one guest who doesn’t seem to fit in any category.
Perhaps a business relation from another town or country, an old Yeshiva mate from one of the Mechetonims, in any case someone who appears to have no one to schmooze with.
It’s happened to me a few times.While in Israel for a few weeks, I was invited to the Bar Mitzvah of a distant cousin.I planned not to go but they insisted, so I went.I was seated on a table where everybody spoke Hebrew and very little English.Except for a few polite pleasantries it was obvious that my tablemates were all acquaintances of each other and felt more comfortable exchanging news and ideas between them.
It’s also happened to me in my own city.I was at the third wedding that week, seated with people that remember my father as a kid, bored stiff.
Sure there were people I knew present, but everyone seemed to have a conversation partner already and you just pick up sometimes by the greeting you get, when trying to join in, that three’s a crowd.
That’s when a guy I had never seen before asked if the seat next to mine was available.Then he proceeded to ask my name, relation to Chosson/Kalleh etc…At first I was annoyed, I thought it was one of those exasperating curious guys, that need to know everybody’s name, what they do or don't, and by whom they are an Eidem (son-in-law)
As it was, he turned out to be a nice person, enjoyable to talk too, and time flew by till it was time to hit the dance floor (on which I never stay longer than 5 minutes).
He doesn’t even know how much I appreciated it then and still do.He probably doesn’t even realize what a Chessed he did for me.There I was, bored, annoyed, and angry with my wife for not wanting to go already.At the end, she was the one to insist we get going.Instead of a lousy time I had a nice time.And the next day I was able to sincerely say to the Ba’al Simcha “it was a lovely wedding”.
I hope I’ll get a chance to reciprocate with him or to someone else, like me at that wedding.

Comments:
Very nice good lesson.
 
Social-now you know what to do:)
 
Nice chessed.
So one has to be blogging for a least a year before one can 'repost' something...great! I've got, like, half a year still. That's a lot of posting to come up with. Yikes!
 
I know how you feel- I hate to go to weddings where I know no one. It's always a pleasant surprise when the person you're seated next to turns out to be nice!
 
how awkward! when that's happening i just sit back and smile that others are having such a great time exchanging ideas. we can at least be happy for them, right? :) its pretty calming to say the least.
 
Excellent post, good that you re-published.
I've been on both ends and must admit that I'm usually the one who is so busy catching up with friends, I ignore the strangers.
That's a good tshuva project. Thanks.
 
NEIL-One year seems fair, as even I’ve forgot some of the posts I wrote then.
It’s a good idea too if your current readers were non bloggers one year earlier:)

Kasamba-I bet the ones seated next to you always have a blast.

Yakki-you’re right, but in such a case I can’t wait to go home, all the while being happy for those who have a great time.

Batya-Well it wasn’t mussar, but glad someone (the stranger you’ll see) will benefit.
 
Its funny because people who makes simchas spend so much time (and money) making sure that every last detail of their simcha will be absolutely perfect but for the guests themselves, most times all it boils down to is who's the person they're going to be sitting next to all night and they really couldn't care less if all the colours on the table and throughout the hall were matching!
 
Hang in there, Prag. Soon the new year will be upon us and I hope it brings you more time and a less overwhelming schedule!
 
Jemima-The flowers, and overall decoration usually deserve a quick glance and a few comments.
I suppose B'alei Simcha make efforts to seat the people well, but they have no control over their guests’ moods and personal preferences.
Nice too see you again here.

Stacey-I don't mind being busy (for good things) but I miss my regular dose of blogs:)
 
yes yes yes
when i go to a simcha and i dont find anyone to schmooze with i give my mazel tovs and head for the exits
 
I always head straight to the old men....

they always have something interesting to say
 
yy-that's what I used to do, now there's someone else who has to be ready before I can do that, still practical way to dot things.


David-if they will acknowledge the yinger rotser who stand there:)
 
A wondreful, and worthwhile lesson indeed.

Having a daunting schedule myself these days, I know that blogging is a luxury.

Shana Tova. May your year be one of good health, happiness, and peace and tranquility for Israel.
 
Prag...
are u kidding?..they love talking to young people that'll listen to them...about the war..the past..anything..
I find it so fascinating
 
I love your re-postings of last year, so continue to post your bests :D
 
I can relate. I became friends with someone who started talking to me and I was so greatful to her for taking as interest in me.
 
When you least except it¨, something good happesn. Good for you!
 
Barbara-I hope to find some time to catch up soon.
Thanks and Shana Tova to you as well.

David-It's an idea to try next time I'm bored.


Mia-thanks, I feel less bad about not putting new stuff on.

HOH-it's true, I love pleasant surprises
 
lvnsm-I see it happens a lot:)
 
i used to feel totally uncomfortable at weddings for the longest time, until i had my own kids (and whether or not they were with me.) it didn't matter how many people i knew, it was always awkward. i wasn't too into dancing and i sort of shied away from large social gatherings. now, it's different. i think that we get to a certain point in our lives where it's easier to socialize and enjoy the moment, regardless of whose moment it is, once we feel comfortable in our own situations.
these days i tend to be one of the people talking to the person who seems out of it, and hoping that they too can have a good time.
 
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