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Tuesday, August 01, 2006



The subject of Shiduchim remains a burning one.
Hordes of singles are looking for their zivug, actually waiting is a better term as actively looking is frowned upon in chareidi and most MO circles.

I think I’ve mentioned a few time that I never tire of trying.
Although hundreds (slightly inflated number) of suggestions I made were either completely ignored or torn apart, even though I had people indignantly slam the phone in my face, even though it cost me a friendship, I still try to come up with sound ideas and “redt” them.

It’s not a job to me, I do not spend half the day writing names on a blank paper and draw arrows, it happens when I see someone on the street or hear someone’s name come up in a conversation.

Then, sometimes, a click goes off in my head and I try to act on it as soon as I get a chance..

It’s not a lot of effort either. If I know the people I can make the suggestion myself, and when I’m not familiar with either the boy or the girl I pass it on to our local and very experienced Shadchan.

Yet when I talk to married friends, who I know have cousins and friends all over the world, I’m surprised to find out that only very few of them make any effort to find matches for their single friends and relatives.
Excuses vary from ‘they’re too picky’ to ‘she’ll never agree.’
If I had a dime for each couple that got engaged of which no one thought either the boy or the girl’s side would ever agree to it, I’d had a lot more dimes than I do now.

It’s everyone responsibility, everyone has a few minutes to make a phone call, everyone knows single people who honestly want to get married.
And if you can’t find anyone, you can still daven to H’Ashem to help them.

Act now…!

Have you ever made a Shidduch?

On behalf of singles, thanks. No matter how bad the suggestion, I always think it's nice of someone to think of me, and to make an effort. And I try myself as well - I think we all should.
Shoshana-I forgot to mention that there's also the fact that you feel thought about.
Thanks for adding it.
I've tried, no sucess.
emanuel-Don't give up, please
Very nice of you. I have made a few dates that is about it. I made a ton of suggestions that were ignored or not sought after, very frustrating. Very rewarding, I love doint it.
Great post. You're right. My wife and I introduced one couple, but that's it. I've tried to set up the few single friends I have left, but they're "too picky".
Right after I got married I was listening to tape on marriage by R. Akiva Tatz. He made a great point that my wife will never forget. He claims that every woman gets married knowing all about her husbands' faults and weeknesses. Even with this knowledge, she marries him. If my wife can marry me (knowing who I am and my faults) then why are some singles so picky?
Social-It is very frustrating, people just don’t appreciate…
Nevertheless kol hakavod for thinking of others.

Neil-One is a start.
I think Too Picky is just a façade hiding fear.
Fear of making a mistake, fear of passing on something better etc…
I’ve once heard that it’s ok to be pushy, in moderation but pushy.
I tried but so far no luck. Of course I keep trying but aren´t all women trying that? When I was single I got calls from mothers of friends and my friends all the time - and at the end it worked out :D So, I guess I will just keep trying...
"koshe l'zivugom k'krias yam-suf" (finding your better half is as difficult as splitting the sea)-Sotah 2a; Sanhedrin 22a.

i guess there are those who are unwilling to help others split the sea; and then of course ther are those who, when it has been split, are too afraid to jump in.

my finding this awesome blog was definitely "bashert"!!!
We've made two. Should have been three, but the guy wasn't dating yet, so I let him be... then another couple thought of it and forced him to go out with the same girl, and they're engaged. Hey, we're still just as happy! :)

(And we don't even try all that often - just when we think it's a very good idea.)
I've never had the opportunity to set anyone up, but I hope I'll get the chance someday.

Good for you, Prag! I didn't know men thought much about this kind of thing- it's nice to know some do :-)
Prag, true, we can all help out.
I have introduced 2 couples who later married. It feel great!
neil harris.. unless you were in the situation those singles you speak about are, you probably should thank god you didnt get the chance to be "too picky" instead of criticizing those who come across that way.
people dont realize that as you get older you also gain understanding, awareness, a keener sense of perception.. now try dating with all that added "awereness".
the rules that apply to dating at 20 cant be applied to those dating at 30, and if someone cant appreciate that, they probbaly shouldnt be making suggestions..

and with that being said..
thank you prag for that post, very encouraging to hear people speak this way :)
Very important work...
I honestly..dont know any singles...I wish I did...
Mia-it’s a thing many women do, if there isn’t too much frustration there’s thrill to it too.

Jakeology-welcome to my blog thanks for stopping by;
It’s indeed very difficult and that’s why many don’t even bother or just can’t take it anymore.

Ezzie-kol hakavod, except for professional Shadchanim, 2 is a nice score.

RR-Well we do when our single friends start to nag us too much,:)
Just joking, the idea is that often a women will have a friend and her husband a cousin etc,,
Theoretically an effective way to work.

LVNSM-it’s partly our responsibility too.

Stacey-It should, well done Stacey!
Was on of them “Hollands”?:)

Mookie-I agree with the picky part but I disagree with the shouldn’t be making suggestions at all part.
An idea is an idea, and it’s part of the Shadchan’s job to get frustrated when the singles are ‘picky’ or hesitant.

David- From shul? Work? Neighborhood? Cousins? None?
I've tried, but I've found my yeshiva friends to be stubborn. Perhaps it's because I'm not an official "shadchan," but I've been able to convince very few guys to go out. the girls are always willing, for the most part.
For a while I had a great streak going. Anybody that I set up, didn't work out, but it did with the next person they went out with. It's almost like they said to themselves, OMG, this person that AFI set me up with is sooooo bad, it just made the next person look that incredible.
It doesn't matter if your success rate is 1/1000. It's the fact that you tried! Thanks.

(on behalf of all my single and eligible friends)
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