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Friday, December 09, 2005

 



HUMOR BEFORE THE WEEK-END!
My mother Taught me..


Private message to Eshet Chayil-I got your email and I replied to it, yet I got an error response from the email client?

Jewish Mothers, they are unique aren't they, they also possess an infinite amount of wisdom which they always share with their kids.
Today I bring you the story of a kid who learned everything he needed to know about life from his very own Yiddishe Mamme!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"



If you need to laugh some more I highly recommend you check out the latest edition of KNISH, it's hilarious!

Comments:
I am identifying, and rolling on the floor laughing!

Love this list. May I print it, with your permission, to show my husband?

Have a good Shabbos.
 
Of course you can, no problem whatsoever.
I have to admit though that I didn't make these up.
 
I'll try again. Been having trouble with my client.
 
Not bad.
 
Wow, there are a lot of posts about Jewish women today...
 
Thanks for the smiles, prag!
 
omg and lol. my mother must be jewish!
 
LOL! These were great! Shabbat Shalom.
 
What a wise mother you have.Listen to her she knows best.i know you did'nt want a toon but i drew one of you anyway.Even though i dont know what you look like.cheers patt
 
I think I've heard every one of these comments from my mother. Once I broke my arm as a kid and no one believed me it was broken, thinking I was trying to stay home from school. when my mother kept me out to go to the doctor, I remember well, that arm better be broken, or I'll break it.
 
OMG, i think i have said some of these to my kids!! And i have heard almost all of them from my own mother. So really, this is ALL HER FAULT!! hehe
 
You might truly appreciate my latest post!!
 
# 16...Wait till your DAD gets home.
 
I have a great Shidduch for you!


This happens to me all the time. Someone will come over to me and "red" me "great" "attractive" girl etc. I think you get the drift. When I ask if (s)he has seen the girl (or a picture of her) the inevitible response is no.

Now frankly, this is arguably chutzpa and at a minimum a total lack of consideration. Basically, what I am being asked is to gamble my emotions, energy, time (and some money) so that this person may be a "winner" and be able to say that (s)he made a shiduch (and then get a brokerage fee a/k/a "shadchanuus") to boot.

If you you don't know how to cook, you don't belong in the kitchen. If you're not a doctor, you shouldn't have a medical office. If you're not a lawyer, you shouldn't hang out a shingle. AND IF YOU ARE NOT A SHADCHAN, DON"T ACT AS ONE !!!!
 
This made me smile.
 
Frum Single

It was a great message by Michelle.. But if you put it on every blog, you just kill the effect..

Prag.. This stuff is hysterical.. Thanks..
 
To my regular visitors, thanks for stopping by and your input.

Missshona-Hi and thanks for passing by and leaving a comment.

Catnapping-So glad you visited, come again.

Evangelia- Welcome to The Pragmatician, thanks for stopping by.
 
Funny stuff, Prag. Keep it coming!
 
lol! thanks

I was going to comment before but I got sidetracked by something else.
 
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